What is aparigraha, or non-attachment?

In front of the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul, Türkiye

Aparigraha, or non-attachment, is a foundational principle within Buddhism and yoga that asks each of us to consider our relationships with people, experiences, emotions, actions, and possessions. The common, overarching, and literal interpretation of non-attachment involves abstaining from the excessive accumulation of material items. While refraining from excess does encompass one portion of non-attachment, there is more to this Buddhist and yogic pillar.

My first, and probably most pivotal teacher, explained aparigraha to me as follows: "Imagine you are married for 15 years. Your spouse comes to you one day and explains they have met someone they feel is their true love and that they will be leaving you to be with that person."

My teacher continued—and this is what has remained with me for the last 14 years:

"Someone who applies aparigraha at the virtue's highest expression would smile and respond to their spouse: I am happy for you. Go, be with this person."

Yes, I realize this sounds legitimately unbelievable. Who would respond in that way apart from a saint? For most of us, our natural response would involve anger, sadness, disbelief, shock, and despair.

Over the years, I've learned that aparigraha, at its core, involves acting in a way wherein we release our hold on an outcome—not as a means to be irresponsible, reckless, avoidant of commitment, or self-involved. Instead, applying aparigraha to daily life entails examining the root of our responses, actions, emotions, relationships, and values honestly. From this space of awareness, we can shift behavior, emotion, and thought from being born out of fear, belief of control, and scarcity to a way of being that is guided, rather, by openness, freedom, and trust.

Easy to express, more challenging to exercise. But as with all worthwhile undertakings, it's a practice that requires time and dedication.

Taking it down a notch from the tidal wave example above, you can call upon aparigraha every time you step on your mat.

Case in point, as it pertains to asana (the physical postures): I struggle with backbends. I always have, and I generally do not love practicing them. They are difficult and puzzling for me. I much prefer a handstand or an arm balance. But, I have been working on taking a backbend at face value and concentrating on the nearly endless physical and mental health benefits this collection of postures offers. Postures are teachers. That's what they're there for. Can we smile and take a breath if we wobble in certain poses? Can we be okay with feeling low energy one day and high energy the next? Can we accept that sometimes we step brightly onto our mat and other times we are entirely unenthused? What's great about the tradition of yoga is that it is fundamentally 'come as you are.'

Ultimately, aparigraha is an illuminating virtue. It's a tough one—certainly shows you what you're made of—but if you give it a chance, it's a gratifying one that is accessible to anyone, every day, in nearly all circumstances.